4th of july...

(via)

I can't believe some people are just so selfish. it sickens me.
I have been watching That 70s Show a lot lately. Jackie's character is funny because she's so self absorbed it's ridiculous. i really can't believe that those type of people exist. and i can't believe that i've been so blind to not realize that i've been friends with jackie the past few years.

Lucas and Michelle want me to go on their friend's boat with them tomorow. i am just in a terrible mood and i want to stay home. i dont want to spread my awful mood around, like some people.

I wish i could just redo this holiday. yesterday was the best day of the weekend because i stayed home. I shouldn't have let her ruin this day. it was great seeing my family and overall it was a good day. things could always be worse, i guess i should just put this in perspective. i hate negativity and i guess her chipping away has finally brought me to this point.

i just have to deal. i just wish i had something that made me really happy. something needs to change and i'm in charge of making that happen. i will start doing things that make me happy, starting tomorrow. exercise, reading, job searching, playing with charlee, watching more that 70s show, seeing my family, watching the fireworks if i feel like it, these are all things that make me happy. i need to be a little more selfish sometimes and stop trying to make everyone else happy for a change. this is my life. i only get one shot.

Saving money

I just signed up for some night classes at a community college by my place, then I took a look at my bank account. Cool, I can’t eat this month. I started thinking of some ways to save money, like today at Potbellies, I was really trying to decide if I needed that oatmeal chocolate chip cookie. My reasoning became : Ugh whatever, it's Friday and it’s only a dollar.

Here are some of the great ideas I came up with.

Things to do during your downtime:

· Library –

o the library is an awesome time waster. And it’s free! Unless you have a ton of fines. Then I’d avoid the library. I found Johnny Weir’s autobiography at the library. It made my day. However, I’d probably only give that book 3 out of 5 stars. I don’t really recommend it. Anyways, the library has movies too! There are some good ‘80s classic movies and lots of other mediocre but watchable films.

· Half price books –

o I love this store. I always find books I want to read. I also sometimes take a risk and buy a book I’ve never heard of. I found one of my favorite books that way, Music For Torching by A.M. Homes. But not all books are gems. Be selective, especially since you don’t have money to throw around right now.

· NetFlix –

o if you don’t have Netflix, I recommend getting it. I know this is a post about saving money, but I don’t care Netflix is awesome. and it probably saves money if you always go to the movie theater or rent from Redbox. I actually don’t know how much RedBox costs so I could be wrong. But you can definitely get your money’s worth on Netflix if you watch a ton of unlimited instant movies.

Food:

· Make food at home–

o I found this Spanish grocery store by my house with insanely cheap produce. 15 limes for $1. Yes. Cooking at home saves so much money. Spaghetti, tacos, grilled cheese, salad, omelets, anything you can buy at a restaurant you can make yourself. Sometimes getting all the ingredients you need for a certain recipe turns out to be more expensive than just actually going to a restaurant, so be careful about that. Drinking beer at home is also more cost efficient than going to bars all the time. I feel like that is common sense, but it is something I have to tell myself all the time. You can buy a six pack of Milk Stout (pictured above) for the price of two Milk Stouts at a bar.

· Milk instead of coffee creamer –

o I told my sister that when she moves out of my parent’s house she will start using milk instead of Coffee Mate because milk is cheaper and it’s already in the fridge most of the time. She was like “I’ll never be too poor to not be able to afford coffee creamer”. She moved out a few months ago and not too long after she said “You were right, I stopped using Coffee Mate. I have no money for it!” This is probably the smallest change you can make, but one less thing helps. If you buy coffee daily, start making it at home. It probably takes as long to make as it does to wait in line at McDonalds.

· Drink specials –

o If you're not too picky about what you drink, the specials usually work for me. yeah a mimosa may not sound too appealing at 11pm, but if it's $4 dollars... that's a whole different drink.

· Order water at restaurants instead of pop-

o This one may be hard for some people. I love water and it's free! Plus it's always the healthiest option, if you care about that.

Shopping:

· Alter clothes –

o Before you decide to just buy a ton of cheap clothes that will actually end up costing you more money because they will fall apart or look old after two washes, try altering some clothes you already own but never wear. Go through your closet and try on all your clothes. I am sure you will find things you don’t wear because of one reason or another. Try to pinpoint what makes that shirt look weird or how you can make it look better. If it’s too small you probably should just throw it away, but if it’s too big, that’s easy to fix. Just turn it inside out . Place a good sized shirt over it and trace around the good shirt (leave a little extra room when tracing). Use a sewing machine and follow the traced line. Done. New shirt!

· Salvation Army -

o Thrift shopping is fun and sometimes you can find really solid things. Almost half of my dishes are from resale shops and thrift stores. You can find unique things and some of them look like dishes you’d buy at Urban Outfitters. The best part is that they are so cheap. Coffee cups are around $1 or less. If you’re paying more than $8 dollars for any one dish, you are not in the right type of thrift store. They also have side tables, couches, lamps, clothes, shoes, books, really everything. Take a look there before you buy something new.

· Sally Hansen Nail Effects –

o I’m obsessed with Sally Hansen Nail Effects. They come in really cool designs like zebra print, glitter, and lace. They stick on to your nails and last about 10 days. I have never gotten so many compliments on my nails before (mine are zebra). There are enough pieces to let you do it twice if you don’t mess up. They only cost $8. I realize that telling you to buy something isn’t really saving you money, but if you get manicures all the time this would be a good replacement.

Also, I always keep an eye on my checking account. It’s so easy for me to go out to dinner a few times a week and then look at my checking account and realize I’m down $100 +. If you track it the same day you’ll be aware of how much you have to spend the next time you go out. Don't let things get out of control. And pay off your credit card! Think of how much money you are giving away in interest. It will really make you mad. I hope this helps. I already saved money by writing this instead of going out to the bar tonight with my friends!

friday

i didn't have work today. it was a glorious day.
but then i started thinking. like i always do.
why am i stuck?
it's so depressing. am i always going to be alone?
stevie told me to watch this first date movie, and it sounds really cute, but i don't want to watch it because i know it will make me cry.

i told myself, you got over scott junior year of highschool. that sucked and it was basically the same situation. look at yourself now! and then i thought more about it...

when i first met scott i found him kind of annoying and he was short. i definitely didn't have a crush on him. the next day my friend comes up to me and said "omg scott told jason you're cute".
and that was the fucking beginning of the end.
i developed this insane crush that actually seemed to be going in my favor. he bought me gummy peach os that i didn't eat because i wanted to save them forever. he used to call me and sing yellowcard songs to me that he'd play on his guitar.
he told jason he was going to ask me to homecoming. i was so excited.
then one day he starts being a huge bitch to me on aim. oh wait it wasn't him, it was just his ex girlfriend at his house on his sn. he went to homecoming with her instead.
around christmas break when he calls me to hang out of course i say yes, duh.
he ends up running over my friend's leg in his car. it sucked. we had to go to the hospital and court and stuff. that scared him away.
but not for long. he still had to hurt me again...
this time closer to turnabout. i remember because we started hanging out and then he took jason's girlfriend's twin sister to turnabout.
and
i
still
wasn't
over
it

i saw him around a few times. we'd talk and it'd always cause me to be hopelessly in love again. i even drunkenly fb chatted him after breaking up with kenny.
so
telling myself that -this one, i'll get over, it'll be fine! is just really freaking hard to say
because i know it won't be. i know it. because i know how i am.
we are perfect for each other so it really pisses me off. not me and scott. but me and the one from this year. well technically a few years ago. maybe one year after scott.

that's my day.

gooooo blackhawks!

(via)

i love watching hockey. it gives me such a feeling of home. even just hearing it play without paying attention to it is comforting. it also makes me sad at times, but i don't want to get into it.

carrie bradshaw

(via)

i have been watching a lot of sex and the city lately because it's on e! all the time. i miss this show so much. it definitely has it's cheesy moments, but it also at times is more real and relate-able than any other tv show.
i felt inspired after watching an episode today where Carrie doesn't have enough money to buy her apartment from Aiden. Even though she doesn't endless amounts of money at her disposal she is still able to get by and do what she loves for her career. i can't stand my job anymore. it feels like i'm working so hard and getting no where. what is this for? my job is not satisfying to me and it does not make me happy. i want to find a job doing something i love. i have so many talents and untapped potential just waiting to get out. i'm spending 80% of my weeks (95% now that i have to work weekeds for mday) doing something i dont care about and getting nothing out of it.
taking carrie as my inspiration i am going to start working hard to find out what i love and develop skills that will help get me there. i need to stop wasting my life. it's my life. i'm going to make it exactly what i want it to be, no more waiting. i'm breaking out of my comfort zone. im going to put a goal together and set up check points so this really happens.

teeth

today i finally got my wisdom teeth removed. it was kind of scary, especially hearing them crack my teeth, but it didn't take too long and the extraction itself didn't hurt. it was a little freaky thinking in the middle of it that there's no way they can stop now if i wanted them to. i thought he was having trouble with each tooth so he was just loosening each one and then coming back to it later, but then he said "one more to go". i couldn't believe the other three were already out.

i got home a few hours ago and i have just been laying in bed watching tv. my sister stopped over and we watched the teen mom 2 dr drew after show. my mom made me vegetable soup for dinner, but it stung a lot trying to eat it. plus my mouth keeps bleeding so it wasn't very appetizing. i feel like my stomach must be just full of blood.

so far it's not too bad, but my mouth is really sore. hopefully i can find something good to watch on netflix.

weather

i love this weather! it's been so great out the past few days and i have been taking full advantage of it. on saturday stevie and i went to evanston to walk around and we went to the vogue fabric store. we had a tcby misfortune but other than that it was so fun.
yesterday i decided i wanted to sit outside in the 80 degree (!) weather so jackie and i went to westwood to get bloodymarys. love it.