oh wow.

i have been watching so many episodes of Skins the past couple of days that my subconscious is developing a british accent.

i have been extremely lazy today. but i enjoyed laying around in my underwear all afternoon. i needed to sleep off my awful hangover after my lovely night. seeing all my friends was really great. before my sister and i went out we messed around on chat roulette for a while. we started drinking modelos and before i knew it i was already pretty much past my limit at the bar. i was having too much fun and too many boys were buying me shots. i was disappointed that i got so drunk. i really wanted to kiss him more than just bye. and i really hope i didnt make an idiot of myself. well i guess i didn't mess up too bad because we are hanging out again on tuesday.

it seems so strange that boys choose me.

new

it's amazing how easily we let people get under our skin. once you let them in they stay, they become a part of you. when you love someone it is all the more scary. they can change you. they do change you.

i tell everyone i am doing what i want. but i don't know what i want. do i want a boyfriend? i am not sure. i like kissing boys. i like having them hold me and make me feel safe and warm. i like the attention. and i like feeling giggly and happy and pretty. but i dont like the obligations. i don't like the feeling of guilt when i blow off my friends because i'd rather lay in bed and watch movies and hold hands and kiss.

this boy hasn't consumed me yet. but maybe i want him to? this boy i know nothing about. the boy who wants to take me bike riding on lakeshore drive after our first date.

this is the year i can finally learn what i want. and make mistakes and take chances.