nye eve

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having a whole week off work is more boring than it sounds. especially when none of my friends want to go out on weeknights. especially when one friend in particular isn't going out and bringing a certain someone. its really weird how upset this makes me, i didn't realize i would care so much. i haven't crushed this hard since highschool. it hurts the pit of my stomach. especially when im alone. i keep trying to do things anything to get my mind off it. i want to just forget it and stop saying stupid things to him on fb, to my friends in rl. this blog is such a middle school diary for me.
tonight im going to weber with a group of friends. it will be okay. we are dressing up and it will be pretty awkward im thinking. plus james' girlfriend seems to hate me right now. i dont know. i dont care.
i feel kind of depressed. i really hope this feeling wears off. nye is going to be such bullshit. no ones doing anything. i want 2011 to be better, and i guess doing nothing will be a better start to the new year than hanging around at some super lame party like i did for 2010. god 2010 has been such a suckfest.

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that pukey confused love feeling is back. this is a complicated situation. this year has been awful in boy world, so i dont even know. the more i say the worse it will get. i dont even want to think about it but i can't stop. it's such a bad idea. but he's so cute.

im so excited for christmas! i will be off all week next week. winter break for adults!

wedstadium last night with matt k, matt l, michelle and jorge. it was a lot of fun. the old coldstone crew.

for me

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i am completely satisfied with being single right now. i am really happy with my life and the way things are going for me. i feel like a boy would just waste a lot of my time. i know this because they have been wasting my time for years now. i mean not that i have some epic project they are keeping me from.
they take part of me away. i am not completely myself, i always change no matter how much i tell myself that i haven't or i won't. because when i look back now i see all the things i've missed because of them. or maybe i was wasting their time since i was the one to end it. every time.

this year has been the worst with all of the awkward first dates and kisses and calls. i don't want to bother with it anymore. i am too picky. no one is good enough or they kiss my forehead or their mouth tastes weird or they sell beef jerky. i give up and i am happy about giving up. i feel like the burden of caring about this is over.

wednesday

via mariel clayton

i've been so lazy about blogging lately. so here's a story. i was just walking down the stairs carrying a bowl of tomato soup i didnt finish when charlee comes barreling down the stairs after me. she loses control of her legs and tumbles down the stairs into my legs knocking me down and throwing tomato soup everywhere. picture unrelated.

deer and undead

i finally got my computer set up at our new apartment! i have kind of a headache but i wanted to give a quick update since i haven't posted in so long.
here's my deer tattoo all colored in and healed. i love it so much. i wish it was summer so i could wear shorts more often.

i was a zombie for halloween this year. the bars were so lame, dressing up was the funnest part. we didnt want to go downtown bc i knew that finding parking would be so frusterating, so instead we went to suburb bars on friday and edison park bars on saturday. i took this picture somewhere near chicago heights.

moving in

i have not had any time to post lately. stevie and i moved into our new apartment a little over a week ago. we had been unpacking and cleaning like crazy because i decided that we needed to throw our housewarming party on Saturday. surprisingly we got most of our stuff unpacked and ready to go. the party was a ton of fun and everyone seemed to really like our place.
all we have left to do is build my dresser, empty out my storage unit, set up my computer and get internet/cable installed.
i cannot wait to actually be able to relax and enjoy all the work and money we've been putting into the place.

alone in the city

I used to feel so alone in the city.
All those gazillions of people and
then me, on the outside. Because
how do you meet a new person?
I was very stumped by this for many
years. And then I realized, you just
say, Hi. They may ignore you. Or
you may marry them. And that
possibility is worth that one word.

- Augusten Burroughs

this is true. maybe i'll say hi to cute boys on saturday at VeganMania. maybe not. dont care.

This is a picture from our hotel room in Chesterton IN.

my shoes came in the mail! im really happy i got them.

i hung out with matt and james last night at Stadium. i miss them so much. ever since matt moved downtown i see them a lot less. and im sure that matt living with my ex bf is a huge part of that also. these are presents James gave me last night for my birthday. he made the wine with his grandpa. i had some tonight and it tastes amazing. but it brought on a wave of exhaustion.
here's a pic of james wishing he was a model.

and here's a dumb picture of matt. im too tired to search for a normal pic of either of them.

Sunday

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today has been a pretty lazy day for me. i just finished watching the first few episodes of the new season of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. I love Charlie so much!
Next im going to watch the third season of True Blood. i can't wait.
that's why Sundays are so perfect. i can just be lazy and lay around watching awesome tv or reading or whatever. i started a new blanket today, so i feel less guilty for laying around all day bc im working on something.
i also watched the Runaways today. It was a pretty good movie.

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yesterday i saw Louis CK at the Chicago Theater with Stevie. He is definitely one of my all time favorite comedians. i was lucky to go because Stevie originally bought the tickets for her and her boyfriend. Her boyfriend wasn't able to get off work, so she asked if i wanted to come in his place. um... of course i did!
it was such a funny show, i was laughing the whole time.

Thursday

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i am still really excited about the cooler fall weather. this has been a hot summer and it is so nice to nap in my car during my lunch break with the windows open or walk charlee without sweating. i know i should appreciate the hot summer months, because chicago winters are the worst, but fall is so perfect. i just want to sit outside with a blanket and a book while drinking hot apple cider. oh yeah and not be at work :((via)
i bought these shoes online yesterday. i have wanted them for so long and i finally just decided to buy them. they are so cute!

i have a lot of pictures from my birthday mini vacation on my camera. maybe i'll post a few later.

i got my tattoo yesterday!

this is my tattoo! im going back in three weeks to get it colored in.
i havent updated in a while, and i don't have time today. i have to try to catch my dogs pee and then take her to the vet before i leave for indiana. bye!

sunderday

i bought a whole bunch of cacti yesterday. they are so cute. i want to have a giant collection and maybe combine some in a pot.

i also got a ton of books at Half Price Books yesterday.
i've already read American Skin, Skinny Bitch, and A Farwell To Arms, but i thought they'd be good to own. Battle Royale is stevie's. i've had it for so long because after watching the Battle Royale movie so many times and then reading Hunger Games (which is such a rip off of battle royale) i feel like ive had my fill of kids killing each other for a while.

it's such a beautiful morning. i am going to take charlee for a long walk.

wednesday talking about saturday

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on saturday i felt like baking so i started getting out all the ingredients to make vegan chocolate chip cookies from the Babycakes cookbook. my mom saw me getting ready to bake and asked if i could double the recipe so she'd have something to bring to a dinner party her and my dad were going to. i love baking for other people, so of course i said yes.
according to my mom everyone loved my cookies and they all had to try one just because they were vegan. my uncle stopped over after the dinner party and asked if he could have a bag to bring home. that's how good these are! i was excited that everyone was open minded and actually liked them.

exhausted

these are the pumpkins i made for the Pumpkin Patch Crochet Along. i am working on my third pumpkin right now because my mom wants me to make one for my cousin and one for my aunt who i will be seeing in two weeks for the bar's anniversary.

i am so tired right now. i went out last night with alyssa and stayed out much later than i wanted to. it was nice hanging out with her though, she's a really fun friend.


i was super tired all day at work and then i dragged myself to the gym. oh and guess who just texted me. gross. boys are so dumb. when you like them they never contact you and when you are over them then they start trying.


i came up with a tattoo i want to get on my upper thigh. i have been thinking about it for a really long time and i think i am set on this idea. i won't talk about it just in case i do change my mind for the millionth time, but i'm 99% sure right now. i even called the tattoo shop when i got home to see when the artist i want is available. the guy on the phone said he'll be in on friday next week so i guess i just have to go in and hope he's not busy. i'm off next friday so hopefully that's the day! ugh time for bed.

Already Thursday

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the weather is starting to change into fall. it's such a great feeling. i think this is the change i have been waiting for. fall is my favorite season, i feel like it was made for me.

my birthday is coming up in a few weeks. originally i planned on not doing anything. every year i hype up my birthday and then it turns out to be a giant let down. this year i decided i wasn't going to do anything. i really want to focus on myself and not worry about friends getting along and boys and bars and all the things that have been bothering me lately. then my mom came up with a great idea. my cousin's bar in Indiana is having it's one year anniversary on the weekend of my birthday. she told me to get some girlfriends and stay at this spa/hotel right down the street. the hotel looks gorgeous on the outside (from the pictures online). it is on a lake with a forest surrounding the lake. i think the leaves will be starting to change at that time so it would be so pretty! barbie and stevie agreed to go and michelle said she'll come down for the bar. jackie said maybe depending on if she can scrounge up enough cash.
i know i am hyping it up again, but i think this birthday will be one of my favorites. it will be the low-key perfect relaxing birthday i wanted.

last night i took michelle out to dinner at pepes because i didn't go to her birthday party. lucas was in a bad mood, but michelle and i drank too many margaritas to care. it was a lot of fun hanging out with her. when we got home i french braided her hair while we watched part of the jeffersons (lol) and family guy. then we started listening to music to find lyrics for the sister tattoo we have been planning on getting for the past year or so. nothing seems perfect enough yet.

the weekend was a lot of fun hanging out with barbie and stevie. and on monday having the yearly ron of japan birthday dinner with my family. heather and karen came along. it was a fun time, good food and they got lots of nice presents. my dad got my mom an ipad!

i also finally got to hang out with the guy i thought i liked. i am really glad i was able to see him because it made me realize that we have nothing in common, including personalities. i always kinda thought he was a loser. well...that's confirmed. not like nerd loser, more of a jerk loser. i don't want to see him at all anymore. i think my distancing myself is making him think i'm playing hard to get because he's trying to hang out more than ever. but really i just want him to go away.
i have decided that i am going to stop looking for a boyfriend right now. instead i am just going to focus on loving and improving myself . i am actually quite happy with my friends and family right now, so i don't want to screw up that dynamic. i am so lucky to have so many great people in my life.

Pumpkin Patch Crochet Along

I signed up for the Itsy Bitsy Spider's Pumpkin Patch Crochet Along and i already finished my pumpkin! it was my first time crocheting from a pattern, but it wasn't hard at all. i am really proud of myself.

i am having not doing so hot at multitasking (watching family guy and typing this post) so i'll just stop here and update more later.

tequila tuesday (yesterday)

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the picture doesn't have anything to do with my post, i just thought she was pretty.

yesterday i went to D.S. Tequila for my cousin, Heather's birthday party. It was so nice spending some time with her. She just lost her mom and I'm sure this birthday was really tough for her. I am glad my sister and I were able to be there for her. She was so happy to see us and thankful that we came. It was a lot of fun. We drank too many margaritas for a Tuesday night.

when i got home from the gym tonight i made a quick dinner of fake chicken nuggets and cooked spinach, took charlee on a short walk and then watched Teen Mom online. that show makes me feel so sad for those girls, except for Amber, who is the comedic relief even though she doesn't realize it. the girls are all dealing with such hard situations. i want to just go there and help them! this season has just been beating up on poor catelyn. i hope things get better for her. i am so happy that i dont have any of their lives.

im going to work some more on my x stitch. i am motivated to get some of my projects done so stevie and i can open an etsy shop soon. goodnight!

Friday

I know this needs to be ironed, but i finally finished my zombie x-stitch! i actually completed it last Sunday, but i never got around to blogging it. i also started making a skirt on Sunday. i wish i had more time to make things! i think i'm going to get a big container to store all the things i've made that i want to sell. that way they are protected and all in one place once stevie and i finally open something up.

my sister's and my mom's birthdays are coming up! they were both born on september 6th. i love baking so i'm going to make a really good cake this year, not from the box. well actually i will be using boxed cake mix, but other ingredients as well. for Christmas my family got me the Cake Dr. Cookbook. i love it.i'm exited to do alot of birthday present shopping this weekend and hopefully finding some time to finish my skirt.

lunch

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i love portillos. i grew up eating delicious chicago style hot dogs and italian beef at least once every two weeks. no one in my family ever became sick of this restaurant. when i started working in schaumburg it was everyone's favorite place to order from. now that i work in downers grove everyone always chooses portillos when we go out to eat. this is probably one of my biggest regrets about not eating meat, although i'm sure i've saved a lot of calories! today i tried their asian chicken salad, with no chicken of course, and it was really good! i recommend it to anyone strong enough to not order a hotdog. you can still get the cheese fries. haha.

cross stitch

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i have been working so hard on my zombie cross stitch. i can't wait to finish it and post pictures! it looks so good right now. once i'm done with that i'll have to figure out which of the million other projects to start on.
i am really looking forward to tonight. after work i'm going to hit up the gym for a good workout. when i get home i'm going to make spaghetti with Trader Joe's meatless meatballs and then relax and watch teen mom.
i especially love working on projects when there is something good to watch on tv. i feel guilty just watching tv and not doing something at the same time. so usually i'll grab my cross stitch, or some weights and work out. i just can't sit still!

saturday night yeahhh (or sunday morning)

i am so sick of coming home after a mediocre /boring night. it's the same thing every weekend. walking into my room just now i felt like ... ugh again... i am starting to get too old for this. weekend after weekend- lamp lighters sucks, lets go to durty nellies. nellies sucks lets go home. i am so sick of this scene. same people same losers. i feel like i'll never meet anyone i like.
mike is probably never coming back from michigan. i should accept that as fact and stop texting him like anything is going to happen. this is stupid. i wasting my time, but theres nothing better to be doing.

Punkstock

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Last night i saw the booze at the beat kitchen with barbie and stevie. it was such a fun show! the only bad part was during the band before the booze everyone was dancing really rough and someone dropped a beer bottle by my feet. the broken glass cut my leg. it didn't really hurt though. i was just annoyed that i had basically an entire bottle of beer on my leg and in my shoe.

we were having so much fun stevie suggested barbie and i go to punkstock, which is today. she couldn't go because she is going to a wedding. we weren't really sure about going without stevie because she knows everyone, but she said max and jimmy would be there so we'd be fine.
sadly as i started getting ready barbie called and said jimmy wouldn't be there until max's band went on, so it might be kinda awkward not knowing anyone. plus she found out it costs $10 to get in. which isn't bad, but we didnt think we'd be staying long so that is kind of a waste.
now the plan for tonight is for barbie and i to get dinner and then meet up with alyssa in the suburbs.

i haven't updated in a while. last weekend i went to lollapalooza all three days. it was a good time. all the bands were great, the food was good, the weather wasn't too bad. i really love going to concerts. it is one of my favorite things to do.

in the middle of the week i was in indiana for my aunts wake and funeral. she passed away on sunday. i loved her so much and i am extremely sad that she is no longer with us. her daughter, heather, is mine and my sister's favorite cousin. we used to go down to indiana in the summer and stay with my grandma who lived down the street from them. we spent all our time in heather's pool and hanging out with her. i will really miss aunt bonnie. she was so glam and fashionable, but really down to earth and fun.

i just ate a whole bunch of samosas from trader joes. they are delicious but my mouth is on fire. i need to get a drink and start getting ready for tonight.

dinosaur pillow

i forgot to post this cute pillowcase i made!

i like you

let's see how this one goes...

wednesday

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hey wow it's been a while. not too much has changed.

my friend at work quit, Friday's her last day. that makes four people that have left in the past two months. it's really making going into work a lot harder because there are no fun people around. and they've yet to fill a single position so the work load keeps increasing. tomorrow we are getting noodles and company because i won a free lunch there. i hope they don't recognize us from the last time we went there for the free lunch.

on the boy scene there's not much to report, as usual. i met a cutie when i was working at the Pat's Pizza tent for Taste of Lincoln Ave on sunday. he got my number but he hasnt called yet. surprise surprise. when you actually want them to call they dont.

wednesday wednesday

got my hair did today. wearing purple. life's good.
tomorrow we are going out for drinks after work for someone's last day. i'm already over hating bars haha. i knew i'd feel better in a few days.



I finished Middlesex by Jeffery Eugenides today. I really really enjoyed it. I love his writing style and the content of the book was really interesting. I have wanted to read this book for years. One of my professors at U of I recommended it to us. Our class was based on the cultural "freak" and everything we read was really different and interesting. I couldn't wait to get my hands on it. Strangely enough the summer after that class I noticed my boyfriend at the time's mom had the book sitting out on their coffee table. I asked about it and she told me she was reading it and I could borrow it when she was finished. A few weeks later she still hadn't said anything to me about the book so I asked her if she had finished it. She told me that she did read it, but she hated it. She didn't recommend it, but if i wanted to borrow it I could. Her complete disgust for the book discouraged me from taking it. Still, every time I passed the black and white cover in a book store I still contemplated purchasing it.
Finally, a couple weeks ago, armed with an awesome Borders coupon, I took the plunge and bought it along with a shitty book, Falling is Like This by Kate Rockland (is that her real name?). I am really happy with one of my decisions from the purchase.

Monday

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Happy Monday! i'm trying to put myself in a positive mood today. my weekend made me pretty much lose faith in humanity and it was actually really depressing. i have decided to take a break from bars because of this weekend. it really opened my eyes.
i am usually such a happy person, and feeling this way isn't me at all. i am just trying to surround myself with comforting thoughts and people. i should be fine in a day or two.

i am more than halfway through the book, Middlesex. i am really enjoying it so far. the different generations makes it feel like im reading several books in one.

well, back to work.

wednesday

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i have been inspired to create things lately, although it never seems like i have enough time. currently i am working on a few projects and i have all these ideas in my head for more.
one thing i am doing is trying to sketch more, but it's discouraging because i am never very happy with what i draw. it takes practice, but even when i used to do it all the time i was never great. i hope i can improve.

i am working on a patchwork quilt that i am convienced i'll never finish. i have been working on it since middleschool, definitely not daily or even monthly, but it's been over 10 years!
i am making a michael jackson zombie cross stitch wall hanging that is moving along nicely. i think i will finish this in a couple of weeks at least. i am very motivated to finish this because it's so cute!
i'm trying to alter a dress but it's so annoying to bring out the sewing machine so i've been putting this one off. it's a cute summer dress but i doubt it will still be summer by the time i'm actually able to wear it. maybe summer 2011. i miss having my own place where my sewing machine can sit out, set up and ready to go.
stevie is trying to buy a condo and the plan is for me to move in with her. i think that would be awesome. we both love making stuff so i'm sure we will have a huge area to paint, draw, sew, knit, crochet, whatever! i can't wait.
paint. that's another project. i painted a picture in about a week and it's just not right. i know it needs a lot more work, so hopefully i can get to that soon.

life

You said you could be my dream I could have you every night
And if by morning, I'd forgotten you, well no big deal, that'd be alright
'Cause you're the reoccurring kind

interesting

haha i just reread what i wrote in the about me section: "i'll let you know when something interesting happens". this blog has ceased to be interesting, if it ever even was. it's not like anyone reads it, so i guess i can just write whatever i want. i just thought it was funny that my tagline is a blatant lie.

long weekend

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this weekend has not been great for my diet. i went running with my sister around the lake on friday and that was pretty much the only positive thing i did. got drinks with friends at night, but passed on the appetizers they were having. ok two good things.

saturday i don't remember what i ate, but i definitely went to bed early.

sunday some of my family came over and we had a little bbq. i made a frozen mojito pie and brownies. my mom made the typical bbq food, but for me she made portobello burgers with spicy chipotle mayo. i tried not to eat too much potato salad but i was getting so drunk off the jalapeno lemon aid with patron. im not sure how well i can portion control under those circumstances.

sunday night my foot started getting really swollen and i could hardly walk.

Monday morning i went to one of those Walgreens Take Care Clinics where they diagnosed me with cellulitis of the foot. perfect. now i can't run. i can hardly walk. i laid in bed all day. my mom brought me a portobello burger that was left over. i only ate half bc i was feeling sorry for myself and didnt want to eat. around 3pm i saw i commericial for the new dominos pizza and asked my dad if he wanted to give it a try with me. dominos, you did well. i ate that and skipped dinner. so not too awful, but since im hardly getting any activity the calories add up. omg i wanted to die yesterday. my foot felt like it was going to split open because it was so swollen. the skin was stretched.
i had a four day weekend and i only went out one night. watching pawn stars and laying in bed for four hours really makes you appreciate being healthy. haha.

today i had coffee with cream and sweetener, & kashi cereal with skim milk. for lunch i had more kashi cereal. when i got home from work i was starving so i had some cheese and crackers. for dinner i had hummus, tabouli salad with one pita and chips. i had some yogurt for dessert. i am paranoid about getting a yeast infection from being on antibiotics. i've never had one and i'd like to keep it that way. they sound disgusting.

food

over the past two weeks i have gained about four pounds. i dont know what is going on with my body. i am eating the same amount i normally do and i am working out about the same. my jeans are feeling tighter around my waist and i do not like it one bit. this week i decided to eat super healthy and work out more, but it is not going too well so far.

On Monday i woke up and ate a bowl of granola cereal and had a cup of coffee with cream and sugar. Then had a salad from Whole Foods for lunch. it was really expensive and i regret paying $11 dollars for it, but at least it was healthy. then ran 3.5 miles and ate a boca cheese burger, with chips (ugh!). & a vegan cookie. ok not so healthy.

Tuesday my back was really sore. im not sure if it was from running or pms or both, but it hurt when i stood up. i ate the nasty granola cereal again with 2% milk to drown out the flavor (ok bad move) and had coffee with cream and sugar. i went out for lunch with people from work and got a veggie panini with no fries. the cheese on it was kinda gross, it was some type of goat cheese maybe. i kept squeezing it out, so i hope that made it a little healthier. i decided to go tanning after work instead of working out because of my back. i had a salad for dinner but a cookie for dessert. ugh i need to stop with the cookies.

Wednesday i ate more granola with skim and had coffee with cream and sugar. i got subway for lunch, no chips! just a 6 inch veggie with no mayo, but i did use oil and vinegar and cheese. it was good and only $3.50, but i was setarving after i ate it. i hate the granola cereal at home so i ran to jewel and got kashi heart to heart cereal. i ate some dry ceral as i was driving back to the office and it helped. but after work is where the problem started. i couldn't work out because i had a survey to go to. the survey didn't end until 8pm and i was starving. i went home and made the first thing i saw, pasta with alfredo sauce. ughhhhhhh. then it got even worse. i went out for drinks with jackie and alyssa before the sex and the city premier. we got giant $3.50 individual pitchers of raspberry long island ice teas and then a large order of stuffed mushrooms. i had two fried, greasy, delicious mushrooms. i hate myself for it today.

Thursday i ate kashi cereal with skim milk. i made my coffee with skim milk, no sugar. for lunch i had some of the leftover pasta, dry kashi cereal and grapes. so far not bad. even though i only got 4 hours of sleep because of the movie (with was awful by the way) i am still going to go to the gym after work. then i am going to sleep and sleep and sleep. my work gave us friday off so i am really looking forward to a four day weekend!

monday

i had a really fun weekend. i went out friday with a bunch of friends and had a really crazy night. luckily for me we didnt stay out too late because jacq and john were leaving for florida in the morning. i still woke up on saturday with a killer hangover. i got breakfast at a diner with my sis and i almost puked. i napped the rest of the afternoon which was exactly what i needed. it was so nice to just relax and lay around.
at night i went to kumas corner for dinner. of course it was amazing. i split my burger with matt because there was no way i could finish it. we went out to a few bars after we ate.
yesterday and today were much needed rest days. i went to the mall with my sister during the day today and we got sushi station for lunch.
this weekend was better than i could have hoped. i already had high expectations for it because it was my first weekend in 19 days.
i am always paranoid that people don't like me. i think i just need to take a minute and realize that people have other things going on. if they are acting weird it might be because they are dealing with something. i hope i can remember this the next time i jump to conclusions and think i should write off my friends.

i just finished working out. it felt so good. i ran for about 20 minutes with my sister and then i did a workout video. my legs are shaking, and im sure they will be really sore tomorrow. which is a good thing.
i need to start paying more attention to what i eat. i am starting to gain some weight. while i was on vacation i was eating anything i wanted and when i got home i didnt change my eating habits back. it's been fun, but it's time to start being healthy again. plus im leaving for boston wednesday and i don't think there is going to be time for running.
i am going to watch the gossip girl season finale in about 40 minutes. i can't wait~ that show is such a guilty pleasure.

friday

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after i left work tonight i went to walmart and jewel. i bought a yoga mat, self tanner, a bike pump, and tons of candy and junk food for my sister's bf. he got into a motorcycle accident last night so we are going to make him a get well basket.
i got home around 9 and cracked open a bottle of wine. i made morningstar fake italian sausage with onions and green peppers for dinner. yum.
i also sold my toms shoes on ebay tonight. im happy that someone else will be able to get more use out of them than i did. they are super cute, just a size too big.
i didn't have time to do too much else. i did some sit ups, walked charlee, applied my self tanner, and now i should definitely go to bed. it's going to be another long day at work. weekends are the worst because you keep thinking 'ok can i leave now? now? now???'. wish me luck that i get out before 2pm~

ice cream tuesday

yesterday at work they brought in oberweis ice cream for our afternoon snack. i think they feel a little guilty for keeping us there for 12 hours a day and two weekends a row. today around three pm my friends at work and i started craving icecream again. and sun. we are friends with the administrative assistant who ordered all the ice cream yesterday and she slyly told us there was some left. we all snuck out to top of the parking garage with our icecream and hung out for 20 minutes. it was such a nice break and put me in an amazing mood.

i've decided that i am done wasting my time caring about people who don't value me. life is short and i want to spend it being happy. i think this is will change things for the better.

i have being working so much lately because of mother's day. i am exhausted and i still have about two solid weeks to go. today i accidentally brought my laptop bag into the gym with me instead of my gym bag.

i just took charlee on a quick run around the block. it is so nice outside. perfect weather. night night.

New York

a week from today i will be in new york. stevie and i are going for six days! we have so many fun things planned to do, like get soup at the soup nazi restaurant and seeing the Tim Burton Art Exhibit at MoMA. we are also going to see the band The Specials. stevie and i used to listen to them in high school all the time. i am really looking forward to a long break from everything here.

i am kind of annoyed with my friends right now.

one group always plans weird things to do and i always go. but no one will ever do anything i want to do. we don't like the same bars and the same music, but why is it that i'm the one compromising every time?
it's really starting to bother me. tonight i am refusing to see Repo with them just because. i'm really showing them... sitting at home on a friday night.

additionally im pretty sure i lost my best guy friend. at this point i dont even care. at first i was getting this weird vibe from him. i dont know if its because he is moving in my with my ex and now he feels like he has to pick a side? i dont really feel like i can trust him as a friend anymore. plus i am tired of making the effort to hang out. either you are my friend or you arent. im not going to beg you to hang out. if youre too lazy to make time for me then fuck it.

i wish it wasn't so hard to make friends. it would be awesome to have a group of friends that had the same interests as me. then i could finally stop compromising and start having fun doing things i like to do with others who enjoy it as well.

anyone out there who likes going to concerts and bars that don't have tanned bros?

metal by bbsnkz featuring Forever21

But now we speak with ruined tongues
And the words we say aren’t meant for anyone.
It’s just a mumbled sentence to
A passing acquaintance,
But there was once you.
You said you hate my suffering, and you understood,
And you’d take care of me.
You'd always be there.
Well, where are you now?

i hate this blog. why did i make it?

some guy from my work got an entire pitcher of pop spilled on his head today at red lobster.

sometimes i feel like i am sixteen.

pad thai with tofu

i got dinner with one of my besties, barbie tonight. we talked about moving in together. it was exciting to talk about our dream apartment. we decided moving out of our parents' houses is our 2010 goal. it really isn't a problem for me, i just moved back home. i have money saved and i can move out whenever, i am just waiting for a roommate. it's a bigger deal for her because she has a lot of bills and her parents are really trying to hold her back. i hope this happens. we will have so much fun cooking vegetarian meals for each other!

boyfriend

that's my boyfriend on the right.
just kidding. i wish. i am obsessed with johnny whitney lately because i started listening to the new jaguar love cd and i can't stop.
they are playing a show at reggies in april. im hoping i can get my friend to go. it's on a monday though. oh well, that means there would be less people there. so me and johnny could meet and fall in love over drinks in the dirty bar. the last time i went to reggies i wasn't sure whether i was going to get stabbed or shot first.
here's a video

sunday

just laying here with lady dog dog.

i made that pie today. it was a lot of work, but it turned out really well. it tastes like pecan pie without the pecans.

im sad the weekend is already over. i had a pretty crazy night on friday. i drank a lot and exchanged underwear with a guy on a dare. guys were playing old songs i listened to in highschool on guitars and i was singing along. we had to hide out in the apartment at 430 because the cops were pounding on the door to get in.

still dont know how i feel. well. i do know that i like being single and having fun. im all about the fun right now since i've spent so much of my life in long long too long relationships.

great.

i feel like im suffocating. and i am definitely panicking. he likes me too much already and it's freaking me out. i am not really sure how to handle the situation. don't even want to talk about it anymore. i really hope im not turning into one of those girls that purposely ruins relationships.

yesterday someone at my work won a free tasting at noodles & co. it was so much fun. they let us pick a salad and four pastas for all 5 of us to share. they served it family style so we could try everything. they even brought out a big plate of cookies and rice krispy treats at the end.

i never really cared about tomatoes that much but the past 2 weeks or so i have been craving them like crazy. i just searched it on google and i might have iron deficiency anemia. being a vegetarian has been so annoying lately. i am sick of making my own dinner every night. last night i just made tater tots with lots of ketchup. the night before i had a lean cuisine. with that noodles tasting everyone had to get their meat on the side. i hate having people do special stuff for me. and i probably need so many vitamins right now.

i have been doing too much after work this week. i am exhausted. tonight i would like nothing more than to just sleep and sleep and sleep. that's not the plan though.

It's only wednesday.

i found the recipe for this amazing looking pie here.

i think i am going to make it this weekend. last sunday was my dad's birthday and the cupcakes my sister and i made didn't turn out that great. they were from a box and the cream cheese flavored frosting tasted a little chalky. i think this pie will make up for the crappy cupcakes.

im looking forward to tonight. i am planning on going to the gym after work and then eating some cabbage my mom is making for St. Patrick's day. hopefully i have the will power to go to bed early tonight instead of going out to drink a lot of green beer. i stayed out pretty late last night watching skins so i need my beauty rest.