shoes

i have been pretty broke lately so i am trying to appreciate some of the things i already have. i was helping my mom and dad clean out the basement yesterday and my mom gave me this little shelf. it's like a bookcase or vhs holder, but i was able to perfectly fit all of my heels on it! it looks like i need one more pair ;)
putting all my shoes out on display like this makes me realize that i have enough "things" and i need to start making use of what i have instead of buying more when i'm bored. i'm a creative person so i should have no trouble mixing and matching outfits and accessories i currently own to freshen up my played out go tos.
my next step is finding a cheap, cute way to display all of my jewelery and purses that won't clutter up my room.

saturday night

this is my everyday walk. i'll be sad to leave this place. i love having friends just down the street.
so far this weekend has been pretty great. lots of time with friends and also time to myself. i feel like it's just what i've needed.
i'm planning to wake up early tomorrow and get some more job apps in. i'm still trying my heart out, something will come along soon. i know it. there is a looming change that is going to slam into my life soon. it will be big, and hopefully really good.

there is no hope for the future

i'm feeling really sorry for myself. i really don't know what more i can do to make a positive change. i have been spending a large portion of my free time apply for jobs and no one has called me. it's really discouraging when i'm trying so hard and i'm not happy in other aspects of my life. i know i will look back on being 25 and i will hopefully be happy that i'm not in that place anymore. i feel like i'm stuck in a box. i'm alone.
i have been optimistic for so long, that yeah things will eventually get better. but now i'm starting to wonder if things will just get worse. i have to imagine that i won't be alone for ever and that maybe my future will hold a job that is at least tolerable, but right now it seems hopeless. it's getting to the point where i can't wait for these things i want any longer.
i'm kind of worried for myself if i can't find a roommate when my lease is up in october. i'll be even more alone then. i'm really really tired up putting up the hopeful front. i just want to give up and never leave my bed. what is the point.

new

i need a new beginning. and i'm trying as hard as i can to make that happen.
i have been applying for new jobs constantly. at first i was very selective, but after a month went by i have just been applying to anything i see with "marketing" in the title.
i also had kind of an interesting realization last night. i don't want to talk about it but it made me sad and gave me hope in the same breath.
hopefully something will happen for me soon. i'm really tired of the same.

speaking of things i'm tired of... i'm so over the drama. i haven't talked to this person all week because i couldn't believe what happened last weekend. then she calls me tonight over and over because something bad happened. im not going to be your fall back friend you can always cry to. and i can't say this to her because, again, i'm not into drama. so i'll ignore her tonight and let myself deal with this tomorrow. i just want to scream - every situation you are in is because of you! every problem you have can be solved if you grow up, get a life and move on!

4th of july...

(via)

I can't believe some people are just so selfish. it sickens me.
I have been watching That 70s Show a lot lately. Jackie's character is funny because she's so self absorbed it's ridiculous. i really can't believe that those type of people exist. and i can't believe that i've been so blind to not realize that i've been friends with jackie the past few years.

Lucas and Michelle want me to go on their friend's boat with them tomorow. i am just in a terrible mood and i want to stay home. i dont want to spread my awful mood around, like some people.

I wish i could just redo this holiday. yesterday was the best day of the weekend because i stayed home. I shouldn't have let her ruin this day. it was great seeing my family and overall it was a good day. things could always be worse, i guess i should just put this in perspective. i hate negativity and i guess her chipping away has finally brought me to this point.

i just have to deal. i just wish i had something that made me really happy. something needs to change and i'm in charge of making that happen. i will start doing things that make me happy, starting tomorrow. exercise, reading, job searching, playing with charlee, watching more that 70s show, seeing my family, watching the fireworks if i feel like it, these are all things that make me happy. i need to be a little more selfish sometimes and stop trying to make everyone else happy for a change. this is my life. i only get one shot.