rambling

maybe it's this time of year, but i'm starting to hate being alone. i am so grateful for the people i have in my life, but i wish i had someone to share my day to day with. i know i do this to myself. i break up with everyone. i have gone back to thinking of one person in particular that i let go. was it a mistake? i know we had some problems, but maybe it was worth it. maybe life is never perfect. i think i just have this insanely high expectation that the person i'm supposed to spend the rest of my life with will make me so happy that i'll never doubt anything. i'll never wonder if there's someone else out there. a soulmate. if that does exist. a person who will take care of your heart. i know that this is going to sound incredibly stupid but, i was listening to the radio the other day and i heard an onstar commercial and it made me start crying. the woman got in an accident and the onstar person asked who the woman would like to call and the woman was on the verge of crying and she said she wanted her husband. and he answered the phone and just sounded so worried. they both sounded like they cared so much for each other. it made me really upset because it made me think of the person i was currently with. i wouldn't have called him if i got in an accident. i probably wouldnt even have told him unless my car was completely ruined. as stupid as it sounds, that commercial really put my relationship in perspective. i had to end it because i just didn't care enough about this guy to think to call him first when something occurred in my life.

thinking back to the other person, i probably would have called him if we were still in a relationship. we really did care for each other. but wouldn't it be pathetic to go back to someone you've dumped? not that it matters what others think, but it would look like i'm settling and he's desperate. i don't know if that would be true. i do miss him. but on the other hand. we broke up for a reason. it's too much pressure to try again and then i'll feel completely awful if i just get smacked in the face with the realization that we really broke up for a reason. i couldn't do it to him twice. and it was just really hard for me to handle his disease. heart breaking at times and really angering the rest of the time. and i know it's not his fault that he has it, but the fact that he didn't care for himself is what pissed me off.
maybe someday i'll find what i'm looking for. i have a pretty clear picture in my head of how i want things to be, but it's okay if it doesn't work out that way. overall i'm happy with what i have and i love my life.

Thanksgiving

after baking mini apple pies for three hours, driving an hour and half, stuffing my face all day and chugging wine, then driving an hour and a half back, i'm home in my cozy apartment laying on the couch in my sweats. i love hanging out with my family. i don't think anyone's family is as fun as mine. this year was the first year we didn't have to go to two separate dinners, which made it even better.not to say i don't miss the side of my family we didn't see tonight. but christmas is a month away.

i was thinking about things i am thankful for on my drive home. i honestly have too much to be thankful for. i am in such a good place in my life right now. every time i would go to my uncle dennis's house he would always show me his music magazine The Big Takeover and lend me band biography books. i have always had this crazy appreciation for people who can create music. i love making all types of things but music is the one thing i can't. i can't even sing. i just think it's so awesome that someone can visualize sounds and then someone write lyrics that fit. i just wouldn't even know where to begin. i am thankful that musicians exist and share their creativity.

neon indian

i made soy chorizo and potato tacos tonight. yum! so good. i need to make these more often. i decided to drink wine tonight too. it's my friday since i took tomorrow off for my sister's graduation ceremony. i'm so proud of her! i'm really glad she's done with nursing school. hopefully she can find a job right away. mostly so she stops complaining lol. no i really hope she finds something. i know she hates waitressing.
thought i was gonna hang out with my bf tonight but he's getting drinks with work people so i should be cleaning or doing something productive with my time... i'm posting on here though, so that's semi productive. i haven't written in a while. i miss it.

i can't stop listening to the new neon indian cd (the above music video is just an image fyi). i never listened to this band because i always thought their name was trying too hard. but i love this cd so much. i really wish i started listening to them sooner. they sounds like m83 but almost better. ahhh.

i knew it!

i've been saying it this whole year. maybe all of last year too. i needed a change but my life was just so stagnant and i felt no matter how i tried i couldn't make anything happen.
well it happened!
new job, new apartment, new guy (maybe).

i'm really happy right now.
although, i lost another friendship, but again, it's for the best. this person took advantage of me and i never want to speak with them again. looking at it from a positive, i'm happy this happened now because i am stronger than ever and i have a lot of other exciting things to focus on, so i can put this in the back of my mind.

i've been adding a lot to my etsy site. my pictures are so crappy though, i really need to have someone help me take real pictures.

outfits

i couldn't afford to go shopping much at all this summer, but i wanted to dress cute for some nights out. i put some effort into these cute outfits without buying anything new.

top: Express
shorts: H&M
Necklaces: XXI & Noble Town Vintage

I wear my Noble Town Vintage crystal necklace all the time. It's definitely one of my favorites. Here's a close up of it.

This weekend i wore:
top: urban outfitters
hot pink bra: VS
black jean shorts: Delias jeans i cut into shorts
tights: target
shoes: Rosegold
necklaces: Noble Town Vintage & a necklace from a quarter machine at t-bell

huge updates

so much has happened in the past week! i got the job! i put in my two weeks notice at FTD. i also signed a lease for an apartment in downtown AH. i feel like i havent stopped smiling this whole week. my friends have been awesome lately too. i just couldn't be any happier with all these new changes! this is what i've been aching for over the past months. i knew it would happen. & it did! everything's falling into place for me.

i also found out that the one guy liked me too. although it doesn't really change much since he won't hang out with me bc his friends don't like me. it's bs but i can't let one stupid thing get me down when i have so much amazingness going on in my life. september is going to be a great month for me.

skirt

i finished sewing this skirt tonight! it took me a long time because i first sewed it without the lace layer. then when i tried it on i realized it was completely see through! i added in the lace lining and i'm really glad i took the time to do that. i think it looks really cute and adds on some much needed length.i can accomplish so much more when i skip softball games ;)
next is the apron! i'm going to lay out and cut the fabric tonight.

finally

(via)

a long standing "friendship" that was only hindering my happiness ended on friday. instead of being sad and regretful about 10 years going down the drain, i actually feel a great weight lifted off me. the end was a long time coming. i have the opportunity to counter attack, but i choose to keep silent. i don't want to per-long the ending. i just want it over.
she was probably the utmost selfish and negative person i've ever met who literally cannot function in the real world. these are things i dont need in my life. i feel that i'm growing older and i have much more mature friends (who talk about pooing out the black piece on the bottom of a banana skin). ok my other friends aren't necessarily more mature, but they make me happy and i love them. why wouldn't i surround myself with people who make me a better person and care about me and are true friends with good souls?

shoes

i have been pretty broke lately so i am trying to appreciate some of the things i already have. i was helping my mom and dad clean out the basement yesterday and my mom gave me this little shelf. it's like a bookcase or vhs holder, but i was able to perfectly fit all of my heels on it! it looks like i need one more pair ;)
putting all my shoes out on display like this makes me realize that i have enough "things" and i need to start making use of what i have instead of buying more when i'm bored. i'm a creative person so i should have no trouble mixing and matching outfits and accessories i currently own to freshen up my played out go tos.
my next step is finding a cheap, cute way to display all of my jewelery and purses that won't clutter up my room.

saturday night

this is my everyday walk. i'll be sad to leave this place. i love having friends just down the street.
so far this weekend has been pretty great. lots of time with friends and also time to myself. i feel like it's just what i've needed.
i'm planning to wake up early tomorrow and get some more job apps in. i'm still trying my heart out, something will come along soon. i know it. there is a looming change that is going to slam into my life soon. it will be big, and hopefully really good.

there is no hope for the future

i'm feeling really sorry for myself. i really don't know what more i can do to make a positive change. i have been spending a large portion of my free time apply for jobs and no one has called me. it's really discouraging when i'm trying so hard and i'm not happy in other aspects of my life. i know i will look back on being 25 and i will hopefully be happy that i'm not in that place anymore. i feel like i'm stuck in a box. i'm alone.
i have been optimistic for so long, that yeah things will eventually get better. but now i'm starting to wonder if things will just get worse. i have to imagine that i won't be alone for ever and that maybe my future will hold a job that is at least tolerable, but right now it seems hopeless. it's getting to the point where i can't wait for these things i want any longer.
i'm kind of worried for myself if i can't find a roommate when my lease is up in october. i'll be even more alone then. i'm really really tired up putting up the hopeful front. i just want to give up and never leave my bed. what is the point.

new

i need a new beginning. and i'm trying as hard as i can to make that happen.
i have been applying for new jobs constantly. at first i was very selective, but after a month went by i have just been applying to anything i see with "marketing" in the title.
i also had kind of an interesting realization last night. i don't want to talk about it but it made me sad and gave me hope in the same breath.
hopefully something will happen for me soon. i'm really tired of the same.

speaking of things i'm tired of... i'm so over the drama. i haven't talked to this person all week because i couldn't believe what happened last weekend. then she calls me tonight over and over because something bad happened. im not going to be your fall back friend you can always cry to. and i can't say this to her because, again, i'm not into drama. so i'll ignore her tonight and let myself deal with this tomorrow. i just want to scream - every situation you are in is because of you! every problem you have can be solved if you grow up, get a life and move on!

4th of july...

(via)

I can't believe some people are just so selfish. it sickens me.
I have been watching That 70s Show a lot lately. Jackie's character is funny because she's so self absorbed it's ridiculous. i really can't believe that those type of people exist. and i can't believe that i've been so blind to not realize that i've been friends with jackie the past few years.

Lucas and Michelle want me to go on their friend's boat with them tomorow. i am just in a terrible mood and i want to stay home. i dont want to spread my awful mood around, like some people.

I wish i could just redo this holiday. yesterday was the best day of the weekend because i stayed home. I shouldn't have let her ruin this day. it was great seeing my family and overall it was a good day. things could always be worse, i guess i should just put this in perspective. i hate negativity and i guess her chipping away has finally brought me to this point.

i just have to deal. i just wish i had something that made me really happy. something needs to change and i'm in charge of making that happen. i will start doing things that make me happy, starting tomorrow. exercise, reading, job searching, playing with charlee, watching more that 70s show, seeing my family, watching the fireworks if i feel like it, these are all things that make me happy. i need to be a little more selfish sometimes and stop trying to make everyone else happy for a change. this is my life. i only get one shot.

Saving money

I just signed up for some night classes at a community college by my place, then I took a look at my bank account. Cool, I can’t eat this month. I started thinking of some ways to save money, like today at Potbellies, I was really trying to decide if I needed that oatmeal chocolate chip cookie. My reasoning became : Ugh whatever, it's Friday and it’s only a dollar.

Here are some of the great ideas I came up with.

Things to do during your downtime:

· Library –

o the library is an awesome time waster. And it’s free! Unless you have a ton of fines. Then I’d avoid the library. I found Johnny Weir’s autobiography at the library. It made my day. However, I’d probably only give that book 3 out of 5 stars. I don’t really recommend it. Anyways, the library has movies too! There are some good ‘80s classic movies and lots of other mediocre but watchable films.

· Half price books –

o I love this store. I always find books I want to read. I also sometimes take a risk and buy a book I’ve never heard of. I found one of my favorite books that way, Music For Torching by A.M. Homes. But not all books are gems. Be selective, especially since you don’t have money to throw around right now.

· NetFlix –

o if you don’t have Netflix, I recommend getting it. I know this is a post about saving money, but I don’t care Netflix is awesome. and it probably saves money if you always go to the movie theater or rent from Redbox. I actually don’t know how much RedBox costs so I could be wrong. But you can definitely get your money’s worth on Netflix if you watch a ton of unlimited instant movies.

Food:

· Make food at home–

o I found this Spanish grocery store by my house with insanely cheap produce. 15 limes for $1. Yes. Cooking at home saves so much money. Spaghetti, tacos, grilled cheese, salad, omelets, anything you can buy at a restaurant you can make yourself. Sometimes getting all the ingredients you need for a certain recipe turns out to be more expensive than just actually going to a restaurant, so be careful about that. Drinking beer at home is also more cost efficient than going to bars all the time. I feel like that is common sense, but it is something I have to tell myself all the time. You can buy a six pack of Milk Stout (pictured above) for the price of two Milk Stouts at a bar.

· Milk instead of coffee creamer –

o I told my sister that when she moves out of my parent’s house she will start using milk instead of Coffee Mate because milk is cheaper and it’s already in the fridge most of the time. She was like “I’ll never be too poor to not be able to afford coffee creamer”. She moved out a few months ago and not too long after she said “You were right, I stopped using Coffee Mate. I have no money for it!” This is probably the smallest change you can make, but one less thing helps. If you buy coffee daily, start making it at home. It probably takes as long to make as it does to wait in line at McDonalds.

· Drink specials –

o If you're not too picky about what you drink, the specials usually work for me. yeah a mimosa may not sound too appealing at 11pm, but if it's $4 dollars... that's a whole different drink.

· Order water at restaurants instead of pop-

o This one may be hard for some people. I love water and it's free! Plus it's always the healthiest option, if you care about that.

Shopping:

· Alter clothes –

o Before you decide to just buy a ton of cheap clothes that will actually end up costing you more money because they will fall apart or look old after two washes, try altering some clothes you already own but never wear. Go through your closet and try on all your clothes. I am sure you will find things you don’t wear because of one reason or another. Try to pinpoint what makes that shirt look weird or how you can make it look better. If it’s too small you probably should just throw it away, but if it’s too big, that’s easy to fix. Just turn it inside out . Place a good sized shirt over it and trace around the good shirt (leave a little extra room when tracing). Use a sewing machine and follow the traced line. Done. New shirt!

· Salvation Army -

o Thrift shopping is fun and sometimes you can find really solid things. Almost half of my dishes are from resale shops and thrift stores. You can find unique things and some of them look like dishes you’d buy at Urban Outfitters. The best part is that they are so cheap. Coffee cups are around $1 or less. If you’re paying more than $8 dollars for any one dish, you are not in the right type of thrift store. They also have side tables, couches, lamps, clothes, shoes, books, really everything. Take a look there before you buy something new.

· Sally Hansen Nail Effects –

o I’m obsessed with Sally Hansen Nail Effects. They come in really cool designs like zebra print, glitter, and lace. They stick on to your nails and last about 10 days. I have never gotten so many compliments on my nails before (mine are zebra). There are enough pieces to let you do it twice if you don’t mess up. They only cost $8. I realize that telling you to buy something isn’t really saving you money, but if you get manicures all the time this would be a good replacement.

Also, I always keep an eye on my checking account. It’s so easy for me to go out to dinner a few times a week and then look at my checking account and realize I’m down $100 +. If you track it the same day you’ll be aware of how much you have to spend the next time you go out. Don't let things get out of control. And pay off your credit card! Think of how much money you are giving away in interest. It will really make you mad. I hope this helps. I already saved money by writing this instead of going out to the bar tonight with my friends!

friday

i didn't have work today. it was a glorious day.
but then i started thinking. like i always do.
why am i stuck?
it's so depressing. am i always going to be alone?
stevie told me to watch this first date movie, and it sounds really cute, but i don't want to watch it because i know it will make me cry.

i told myself, you got over scott junior year of highschool. that sucked and it was basically the same situation. look at yourself now! and then i thought more about it...

when i first met scott i found him kind of annoying and he was short. i definitely didn't have a crush on him. the next day my friend comes up to me and said "omg scott told jason you're cute".
and that was the fucking beginning of the end.
i developed this insane crush that actually seemed to be going in my favor. he bought me gummy peach os that i didn't eat because i wanted to save them forever. he used to call me and sing yellowcard songs to me that he'd play on his guitar.
he told jason he was going to ask me to homecoming. i was so excited.
then one day he starts being a huge bitch to me on aim. oh wait it wasn't him, it was just his ex girlfriend at his house on his sn. he went to homecoming with her instead.
around christmas break when he calls me to hang out of course i say yes, duh.
he ends up running over my friend's leg in his car. it sucked. we had to go to the hospital and court and stuff. that scared him away.
but not for long. he still had to hurt me again...
this time closer to turnabout. i remember because we started hanging out and then he took jason's girlfriend's twin sister to turnabout.
and
i
still
wasn't
over
it

i saw him around a few times. we'd talk and it'd always cause me to be hopelessly in love again. i even drunkenly fb chatted him after breaking up with kenny.
so
telling myself that -this one, i'll get over, it'll be fine! is just really freaking hard to say
because i know it won't be. i know it. because i know how i am.
we are perfect for each other so it really pisses me off. not me and scott. but me and the one from this year. well technically a few years ago. maybe one year after scott.

that's my day.

gooooo blackhawks!

(via)

i love watching hockey. it gives me such a feeling of home. even just hearing it play without paying attention to it is comforting. it also makes me sad at times, but i don't want to get into it.

carrie bradshaw

(via)

i have been watching a lot of sex and the city lately because it's on e! all the time. i miss this show so much. it definitely has it's cheesy moments, but it also at times is more real and relate-able than any other tv show.
i felt inspired after watching an episode today where Carrie doesn't have enough money to buy her apartment from Aiden. Even though she doesn't endless amounts of money at her disposal she is still able to get by and do what she loves for her career. i can't stand my job anymore. it feels like i'm working so hard and getting no where. what is this for? my job is not satisfying to me and it does not make me happy. i want to find a job doing something i love. i have so many talents and untapped potential just waiting to get out. i'm spending 80% of my weeks (95% now that i have to work weekeds for mday) doing something i dont care about and getting nothing out of it.
taking carrie as my inspiration i am going to start working hard to find out what i love and develop skills that will help get me there. i need to stop wasting my life. it's my life. i'm going to make it exactly what i want it to be, no more waiting. i'm breaking out of my comfort zone. im going to put a goal together and set up check points so this really happens.

teeth

today i finally got my wisdom teeth removed. it was kind of scary, especially hearing them crack my teeth, but it didn't take too long and the extraction itself didn't hurt. it was a little freaky thinking in the middle of it that there's no way they can stop now if i wanted them to. i thought he was having trouble with each tooth so he was just loosening each one and then coming back to it later, but then he said "one more to go". i couldn't believe the other three were already out.

i got home a few hours ago and i have just been laying in bed watching tv. my sister stopped over and we watched the teen mom 2 dr drew after show. my mom made me vegetable soup for dinner, but it stung a lot trying to eat it. plus my mouth keeps bleeding so it wasn't very appetizing. i feel like my stomach must be just full of blood.

so far it's not too bad, but my mouth is really sore. hopefully i can find something good to watch on netflix.

weather

i love this weather! it's been so great out the past few days and i have been taking full advantage of it. on saturday stevie and i went to evanston to walk around and we went to the vogue fabric store. we had a tcby misfortune but other than that it was so fun.
yesterday i decided i wanted to sit outside in the 80 degree (!) weather so jackie and i went to westwood to get bloodymarys. love it.

charlee

charlee is the first dog i've ever had that is "mine". i never before realized how much work it is to have a dog. that's probably because she's not just a dog, she's a super high maintenance, neurotic, asshole dog. my sister and i used to joke that she has no soul.

when she chews on the walls and barks at the tv so much we cant watch it, i sometimes hate myself for getting her. she has a lot of energy, and i do as much with her as i can. i have a neighbor walk her while i'm at work three days a week. everyday when i get home from work i take her on a half hour walk around the block. on weekends when the weather's nice we sometimes go around twice.
the walks are not usually very enjoyable for me since i'm trying to hold her poo bag and keep her from barking, spinning and darting at passing cars. she's tripped me with her leash more times than i can count by being a crazy spaz.

but the mornings remind me why i like her. Actually let me specify, weekday mornings, are when like her. i always wake up with her next to me in bed. when i get up to start getting ready for work she waits in my bed and i come out every 15 min or so to lay with her or pet her. she's just so calm and cute and tired. these are the best moments.
weekend mornings are a whole other story. crying in my face, standing on me, barking at the door at 730 am. she does not tolerate hangovers.

but i wanted this to end on a happy note. awww cute charlee sleepyface mornings.

more posts

let's talk about why i dont update this as much as i'd like:

1. i created my account with my second gmail address that i hardly ever access. sad as this sounds i'm too lazy to log out of the regular email and log in to my secondary address to update my blog

2. work is a nightmare and when i get home im not so much in the mood for writing. im more in the mood for force feeding myself until i can't get off the couch

3. i have absolutely nothing interesting to say. which hasn't stopped me before.

4. charleston e. chew. very demanding.
that being said i want to start updating more so my goal is once a week. let's see how it goes.

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shopping

i have been shopping and spending way too much money lately. here are some of my favorites:

i love these shorts! i ordered them from Delias a while ago, but they are sold out until April, which is fine because it's freaking 30 degrees here anyway.
i got this shirt on sale from Anthropologie.i love how girly and cute this jacket is! it's like wearing a dress.
and these shoes! i got them off guilt for really cheap. later i saw a pic of miley cyrus wearing them. i dont know if that's good or bad.

jersey shore time!

weekend

this weekend was really fun. i'm sad that it's already over. i spent a lot of time with my friends and family.
on friday stevie and i went to Honey for dinner. it's a cute little cafe in glen ellyn. they have a lot of vegetarian options on their menu and they use locally grown produce. i was going to take a picture while we were there but i forgot.
on saturday i took charlee to the groomer and spent the rest of the day hanging out with my parents. i helped my mom make an amazing vegetarian dinner - stuffed poblano peppers and mushroom wellington. yum! (picture above)
at night i went out to a bar with jackie and some new friends. on my way there i kept getting lost and it was putting me in the worst mood. i even thought about turning around and just going home. but i knew it would disappoint jacq & i did want to see her. as soon as i got there and said hi to everyone i ordered vegas bombs for me and jackie. after that everything was uphill. we danced and talked all night. it was so much fun. we even went up on the stage and danced.
this morning i woke up to a pretty bad hangover. i ended up laying in bed until around 430pm. at night i went over to michelle and lucas's new apartment. it is so cute i love it! lucas made us pierogies. so good. i had such a fun time just hanging out and watching the academy awards with them. i wish they lived closer :( i'm planning to go over there a lot in the summer to lay out at her pool. and i'll be coming over to watch true blood since they have HBO!
tomorrow i'm planning on having an extra productive day at work and then a big (much needed) workout at night. bed time!

for you

the reason we go for certain people is because they are a reflection of ourselves. love is completely narcissistic.
you had all the qualities i began to hate in myself and i couldn't continue to see it everyday in you.
the reasons i liked you in the beginning became the reasons i couldn't be with you later on.
lust misleads us right from the beginning. it makes the other seem infallible,perfect. they become an obsession because they are everything you've always wanted. but are they? when the lust fades we see the person we are left with. i was left with a version of myself, faults and all. i was sick of dealing with the same downsides in myself and in someone else. i needed to improve how i felt about myself but it was impossible without you improving too. you said you were working on yourself but nothing ever changed. i had to escape and start over. it was selfish to leave, but love is selfish. we only care about the happiness the person brings us.
im sorry i hurt you. i still feel like you are a part of me. i want you to be happy.

los campesinos

(via)

i just bought myself this los campesinos shirt as a present to myself because i've been working so much lately. the purpose of working is to have money and the purpose of money is to buy cool shit, so it's justified. actually this is present #3 i've gotten myself this week. i also got myself three shirts from Express and the book - I Don't Care About Your Band. oh well, i deserve it. if i dont buy myself stuff to make me happy no one else will. or something like that.
speaking of los campesinos i found these lyrics particularly enlightening over the course of my life.

I taught myself the only way to vaguely get along in love
Is to like the other slightly less than you get in return
I keep feeling like I'm being undercut

alright

im back to feeling like myself. what a relief. now i need to start working on doing things that will be beneficial to my happiness. i have been so lazy the past two weeks. going to the store was the biggest inconvenience. when i'd weigh the option of driving to jewel and then cooking a dinner versus icecream and going to bed early, the icecream option always won out. i just had absolutely no energy for anything. i guess that's probably how people with depression feel. i'm really glad to be out of that funk. now it's time to get back in shape and accomplish some projects ive been wanting to work on. work is a total downer and it's only going to get worse for valentine's day, but it's not the end of the world. i have a four day weekend after valentine's day to look forward to.

i went with barbie to get her neck pierced tonight. she said it hurt really bad when he was putting it in because it was dragging along the inside of her skin. i couldn't really watch the whole time because it looked so painful. but it looked really cute when it was done.
tomorrow my plan is to eat an amazing breakfast with stevie and patrick. we are having waffles, omelets, hash browns and english muffins. then we are going to watch blue valentine. after that i'll take charlee on a long walk. im looking forward to a lazy sunday before my work nightmare begins.

dear diary.

(via)

so really it's just that i don't like guys who like me.
i made out with a dude last saturday but since he seemed interested in me i felt nothing for him. ignored his calls and texts. said maybe to plans i knew i wouldnt keep.
but im obsessed over the one guy i know i shouldn't be. the guy who doesnt seem interested in me at all anymore.
does life just always have to be tragic or am i sabotaging potential relationships before they start? do i want to be alone and upset all the time? im pretty fucking sure i dont. i would just love to know how i messed up the one i cared about. but i guess life would be too good if something worked out for once. life needs to keep me miserable so i dont accomplish anything. if i was happy i could do so much shit. like have energy to do my laundry or something.
you know that feeling when you're getting into the car and you slam you head on the door frame? it's just one degree too fucking painful. you feel overwhelmed with hurt and self pity. that's what my heart has felt like for the past two weeks. i know im doing it all to myself. i probably just made up this whole thing in my head.
anyway, goodnight.

doggies

stevie brought jenny over to hang out with charlee. jenny is like 4 times the size of charlee. it's pretty cute how charlee runs around and tries to get jenny to play with her.
matt's bday party is on friday. all you can drink for $25. it's a really good deal and im probably going to get way too drunk. jackie's birthday party is on saturday. that will be fun too. john's throwing her a surprise party in a hotel room. i bet she will really like that.
i have to find some time this week to finish matt's present and then go get jackies. i wish i had an idea for something really good to get her. i always buy her nice make up, but that seems so generic. oh well i don't have any other ideas.
im going to be so exhausted and double hung over on sunday i can't wait.

relaxing sunday

(via)

i had a productive day today. i woke up with a migraine and figured the day would be shit, but after i took my prescription migraine medicine i felt pretty good within an hour. i hung out at my parents house today. i made chocolate chip cookies with my mom and then played super nintendo for a while with my sister. i finally gave my dad the louis ck dvd i forgot to give him on christmas day. my mom makes these things called cheesy rice roll ups which she made for dinner tonight. they sound and look so disgusting, but i love them. they are crepes filled with rice ( and ground beef which mine didnt have) and then they have some mixture poured over them that contains mushroom soup and cheese. then its cooked in the oven for a while. she gave me some to take home so i'm excited for lunch tomorrow already.
when i got home i just did some laundry, took charlee out a few hundred times and read. i'm reading this book, "Please Kill Me", the oral history of punk rock. it's a really interesting. i kind of want to read more now, so see ya.
oh one more thing- 2011 so far is pretty great.