weekend

this weekend was really fun. i'm sad that it's already over. i spent a lot of time with my friends and family.
on friday stevie and i went to Honey for dinner. it's a cute little cafe in glen ellyn. they have a lot of vegetarian options on their menu and they use locally grown produce. i was going to take a picture while we were there but i forgot.
on saturday i took charlee to the groomer and spent the rest of the day hanging out with my parents. i helped my mom make an amazing vegetarian dinner - stuffed poblano peppers and mushroom wellington. yum! (picture above)
at night i went out to a bar with jackie and some new friends. on my way there i kept getting lost and it was putting me in the worst mood. i even thought about turning around and just going home. but i knew it would disappoint jacq & i did want to see her. as soon as i got there and said hi to everyone i ordered vegas bombs for me and jackie. after that everything was uphill. we danced and talked all night. it was so much fun. we even went up on the stage and danced.
this morning i woke up to a pretty bad hangover. i ended up laying in bed until around 430pm. at night i went over to michelle and lucas's new apartment. it is so cute i love it! lucas made us pierogies. so good. i had such a fun time just hanging out and watching the academy awards with them. i wish they lived closer :( i'm planning to go over there a lot in the summer to lay out at her pool. and i'll be coming over to watch true blood since they have HBO!
tomorrow i'm planning on having an extra productive day at work and then a big (much needed) workout at night. bed time!

for you

the reason we go for certain people is because they are a reflection of ourselves. love is completely narcissistic.
you had all the qualities i began to hate in myself and i couldn't continue to see it everyday in you.
the reasons i liked you in the beginning became the reasons i couldn't be with you later on.
lust misleads us right from the beginning. it makes the other seem infallible,perfect. they become an obsession because they are everything you've always wanted. but are they? when the lust fades we see the person we are left with. i was left with a version of myself, faults and all. i was sick of dealing with the same downsides in myself and in someone else. i needed to improve how i felt about myself but it was impossible without you improving too. you said you were working on yourself but nothing ever changed. i had to escape and start over. it was selfish to leave, but love is selfish. we only care about the happiness the person brings us.
im sorry i hurt you. i still feel like you are a part of me. i want you to be happy.

los campesinos

(via)

i just bought myself this los campesinos shirt as a present to myself because i've been working so much lately. the purpose of working is to have money and the purpose of money is to buy cool shit, so it's justified. actually this is present #3 i've gotten myself this week. i also got myself three shirts from Express and the book - I Don't Care About Your Band. oh well, i deserve it. if i dont buy myself stuff to make me happy no one else will. or something like that.
speaking of los campesinos i found these lyrics particularly enlightening over the course of my life.

I taught myself the only way to vaguely get along in love
Is to like the other slightly less than you get in return
I keep feeling like I'm being undercut

alright

im back to feeling like myself. what a relief. now i need to start working on doing things that will be beneficial to my happiness. i have been so lazy the past two weeks. going to the store was the biggest inconvenience. when i'd weigh the option of driving to jewel and then cooking a dinner versus icecream and going to bed early, the icecream option always won out. i just had absolutely no energy for anything. i guess that's probably how people with depression feel. i'm really glad to be out of that funk. now it's time to get back in shape and accomplish some projects ive been wanting to work on. work is a total downer and it's only going to get worse for valentine's day, but it's not the end of the world. i have a four day weekend after valentine's day to look forward to.

i went with barbie to get her neck pierced tonight. she said it hurt really bad when he was putting it in because it was dragging along the inside of her skin. i couldn't really watch the whole time because it looked so painful. but it looked really cute when it was done.
tomorrow my plan is to eat an amazing breakfast with stevie and patrick. we are having waffles, omelets, hash browns and english muffins. then we are going to watch blue valentine. after that i'll take charlee on a long walk. im looking forward to a lazy sunday before my work nightmare begins.

dear diary.

(via)

so really it's just that i don't like guys who like me.
i made out with a dude last saturday but since he seemed interested in me i felt nothing for him. ignored his calls and texts. said maybe to plans i knew i wouldnt keep.
but im obsessed over the one guy i know i shouldn't be. the guy who doesnt seem interested in me at all anymore.
does life just always have to be tragic or am i sabotaging potential relationships before they start? do i want to be alone and upset all the time? im pretty fucking sure i dont. i would just love to know how i messed up the one i cared about. but i guess life would be too good if something worked out for once. life needs to keep me miserable so i dont accomplish anything. if i was happy i could do so much shit. like have energy to do my laundry or something.
you know that feeling when you're getting into the car and you slam you head on the door frame? it's just one degree too fucking painful. you feel overwhelmed with hurt and self pity. that's what my heart has felt like for the past two weeks. i know im doing it all to myself. i probably just made up this whole thing in my head.
anyway, goodnight.

doggies

stevie brought jenny over to hang out with charlee. jenny is like 4 times the size of charlee. it's pretty cute how charlee runs around and tries to get jenny to play with her.
matt's bday party is on friday. all you can drink for $25. it's a really good deal and im probably going to get way too drunk. jackie's birthday party is on saturday. that will be fun too. john's throwing her a surprise party in a hotel room. i bet she will really like that.
i have to find some time this week to finish matt's present and then go get jackies. i wish i had an idea for something really good to get her. i always buy her nice make up, but that seems so generic. oh well i don't have any other ideas.
im going to be so exhausted and double hung over on sunday i can't wait.

relaxing sunday

(via)

i had a productive day today. i woke up with a migraine and figured the day would be shit, but after i took my prescription migraine medicine i felt pretty good within an hour. i hung out at my parents house today. i made chocolate chip cookies with my mom and then played super nintendo for a while with my sister. i finally gave my dad the louis ck dvd i forgot to give him on christmas day. my mom makes these things called cheesy rice roll ups which she made for dinner tonight. they sound and look so disgusting, but i love them. they are crepes filled with rice ( and ground beef which mine didnt have) and then they have some mixture poured over them that contains mushroom soup and cheese. then its cooked in the oven for a while. she gave me some to take home so i'm excited for lunch tomorrow already.
when i got home i just did some laundry, took charlee out a few hundred times and read. i'm reading this book, "Please Kill Me", the oral history of punk rock. it's a really interesting. i kind of want to read more now, so see ya.
oh one more thing- 2011 so far is pretty great.